Settling Into the Sun

There is so much build-up that leads to the start of a transition. For 41 years, I was climbing a mountain in the dark. Then came the doctor’s appointments, the waiting, the anticipation, and the overwhelming, tearful joy of finally holding that little box of patches in my hands.

​Those milestone days are massive. They are the fireworks. But what they don't tell you about crossing the threshold is how profound the days that follow will be.

​Take today, for example. There were no major medical appointments or grand announcements to make. Instead, Gabi took me out to Cocoa Nail Spa to get my nails done. Sitting in that chair, feeling pampered, and looking down at my amazing new nails, I was struck by how beautiful a "normal" Saturday can be.

​The adrenaline of Day 1 has started to settle into a deep, steady hum of peace. When I look in the mirror right now, I know the physical changes from the estrogen are still on the horizon. But the mental shift? That happened the moment the old machinery shut down. I look in the mirror and, for the first time in my life, there isn't a ghost looking back. There is just Serenity. I can see the light returning to my own eyes.

​I’m learning that living authentically isn't just about the big, triumphant moments. It’s about getting to experience the simple things, running errands, sitting on the couch, or getting your nails done with the woman you love, without the crushing weight of a disguise.

​I used to think survival was the best I could hope for. Now, I am just settling into the sun, letting the warmth soak in, and realizing that simply getting to exist as myself is the greatest luxury I could have ever asked for.

​Thank you for walking this path with me.

🩵🤍🩷